“Gossip is the art of saying nothing in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid.”

“Remember that nobody will ever get ahead of you as long as he is kicking you in the seat of the pants.”

“The way to become famous fast is to throw a brick at someone who is famous.”

“Nothing recedes like success.”

“The same thing happened today that happened yesterday, only to different people.”

“Away, you cut-purse rascal! you filthy bung, away! By this wine, I'll thrust my knife in your mouldy chaps, an you play the saucy cuttle with me. Away, you bottle-ale rascal! you basket-hilt stale juggler, you!”

“Stay, my lord, And let your reason with your choler question What 'tis you go about: to climb steep hills Requires slow pace at first: anger is like A full-hot horse, who being allow'd his way, Self-mettle tires him. Not a man in England Can advise me like you: be to yourself As you would to your friend.”

“Thou whoreson zed! Thou unnecessary letter! My lord, if you will give me leave, I will tread this unbolted villain into mortar, and daub the wall of a jakes with him. *all cheer for Shakespearean insults*”