"It's harder to be funny from the..." - Quote by George Carlin

“If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse.”

“It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.”

“The more complicated the order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half soy, half lowfat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge asshole.”

“If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?”

“You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.”

“No matter how much a woman loved a man, it would still give her a glow to see him commit suicide for her.”

“If you would rule the world quietly, you must keep it amused.”

“The atom bomb is a paper tiger which the United States reactionaries use to scare people. It looks terrible, but in fact it isn't.”

“The man who can dominate a London dinner-table can dominate the world.”