"We kind of shape our truths as..." - Quote by George Carlin

“And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National”

“I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.”

“So I want to thank the Pentagon, the Soviet Union and the military-industrial complex from the bottom of my heart. Without them, I could never have become the man I am today.”

“The crude commercialism of America, its materialising spirit, its indifference to the poetical side of things, and its lack of imagination and of high unattainable ideals, are entirely due to that country having adopted for its national hero a man who, according to his own confession, was incapable of telling a lie, and it is not too much to say that the story of George Washington and the cherry-tree has done more harm, and in a shorter space of time, than any other moral tale in the whole of literature.”

“The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.”

“A sense of humor always withers in the presence of the messianic delusion, like justice and the truth in front of patriotic passion.”

“Griddle cakes, pancakes, hot cakes, flapjacks: why are there four names for grilled batter and only one word for love?”

“The proper words in the proper places are the true definition of style.”

“The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their proper name.”