“With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.”

“You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.”

“When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.”

“Language is a tool for concealing the truth. If we could read each other's minds, this would be a horror show.”

“When will all the rhetorical questions end?”

“Knowing I lov'd my books, he furnish'd me From mine own library with volumes that I prize above my dukedom.”

“O, let my books be then the eloquence and dumb presages of my speaking breast.”

“Me, poor man, my library Was dukedom large enough.”