"Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be..." - Quote by George Carlin

“There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.”

“We will never be an advanced civilization as long as rain showers can delay the launching of a space rocket.”

“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.”

“Low comedies are written for the drawing-room, the kitchen and the stable, and if you cut out the kitchen and the stable the drawing-room can't support the play by itself.”

“I like to smoke a pipe, because it's the punch line indicator. Whenever I take a hit of the pipe, you should be laughing.”

“Has anyone seen me on Letterman? Two million people watch that show and I don't know where they are. You might have seen this next comedian on the Late Show, but I think more people have seen me at the store. That should be my introduction. "You might have seen this next comedian at the store," and people would say "Hell yes I have!"”

“Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.”

“Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands? And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.”

“I conceive that the right way to write a story for boys is to write so that it will not only interest boys but strongly interest any man who has ever been a boy. That immensely enlarges the audience.”