"If you shamefully misuse a cat once..." - Quote by Mark Twain

“So you see, the quality of humor is not a personal or a national monopoly. It's as free as salvation, and, I am afraid, far more widely distributed. But it has its value, I think. The hard and sordid things of life are too hard and too sordid and too cruel for us to know and touch them year after year without some mitigating influence, some kindly veil to draw over them, from time to time, to blur the craggy outlines, and make the thorns less sharp and the cruelties less malignant.”

“The law of work does seem utterly unfair-but there it is, and nothing can change it: the higher the pay in enjoyment the worker gets out of it, the higher shall be his pay in cash, too.”

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.”

“If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.”

“In the doggie dictionary, under "bow wow" it says, "See "arf arf.""”

“Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, Duct Tape, Whining, Remote Control, and The Force That Pulls Dogs Toward The Groins Of Strangers.”

“I knew a man who grabbed a cat by the tail and learned forty percent more about cats than the man who didn't.”

“Cats invented self-esteem.”

“A cat has absolute honesty.”