"Honesty may be the best policy, but..." - Quote by George Carlin

“One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.”

“In my neighborhood - West 121st Street in New York, "white Harlem" - there were only two drugs: smack and marijuana. By the time I was 13, some friends and I were using marijuana fairly regularly. The Reefer Madness myth was still very strong then, but I'd been into jazz and those lyrics included so many casual references to pot that it was completely demystified for me.”

“You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.”

“A lie stands on one leg, truth on two.”

“Anything I've ever said, I certainly was feeling at the time.”

“I am not an economist. I am an honest man!”

“The most that can be said of flattery is that it is sometimes a cheap psychological trick with which charlatans and dishonest people lull others into a state of carelessness while they pick their pockets.”

“By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.”

“It recognizes no morality but a sham morality meant for deceit, no honor even among thieves and of a thievish sort, no force but physical force, no intellectual power but cunning, no disgrace but failure, no crime but stupidity.”