"Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal..." - Quote by George Carlin

“We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.”

“If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff?”

“When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?”

“My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.”

“Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”

“When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.”

“Bad food is made without pride, by cooks who have no pride, and no love. Bad food is made by chefs who are indifferent, or who are trying to be everything to everybody, who are trying to please everyone. Bad food is fake food, food that shows fear and lack of confidence in people's ability to discern or to make decisions about their lives.”

“You learn a lot about someone when you share a meal together.”

“On a traffic light green means 'go' and yellow means 'yield', but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means 'hold on,' yellow means 'go ahead,' and red means, 'where the hell did you get that banana at?'”