"I can snap your spine like a..." - Quote by Dave Barry

“Mother Nature clearly intended for us to get our food from the "patty" group, which includes hamburgers, fish sticks, and McNuggets- foods that have had all of their organs safely removed.”

“I really try to think cinematically, because that's how people read. They create a theater in their minds.”

“We're trying to make our current house look domestic so that somebody will want to buy it. We're making a lot of simple, obvious improvements that never would have occurred to us to make while we actually lived here, because, tragically, we both happen to be domestically impaired. If we were birds, our nest would consist of a single twig with the eggs attached via Scotch tape.”

“When all the objectives of government include the achievement of equality - other than equality before the law - that government poses a threat to liberty.”

“Come not within the measure of my wrath.”

“I'm going to gut you like a fish.”

“America... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.”

“We know we can't stop every act of violence, every act of evil in the world, but maybe we could try to stop one act of evil, one act of violence.”

“A successful bloody revolution can only mean further misery for the masses.”