"Things I wonder about the FBI's list..." - Quote by George Carlin
Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the "Ten Most Wanted" criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, "I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list"?
More by George Carlin
“Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other's picture.”
“In restaurants where they serve frog's legs, what do they do with the rest of the frog? Do they just throw it away? You never see "frog torsos" on the menu. Is there actually a garbage can full of frog bodies in the alley? I wouldn't want to be a homeless guy looking for an unfinished cheeseburger and open the lid on that”
“It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.”
More on Humor
“The main reason women are crazy, is that men are stupid.”
“Everything that goes into my mouth seems to make me fat, everything that comes out of my mouth embarrasses me.”
“Miss Prism: Do not speak slightingly of the three-volume novel, Cecily. I wrote one myself in earlier days. Cecily: Did you really, Miss Prism? How wonderfully clever you are! I hope it did not end happily? I don't like novels that end happily. They depress me so much. Miss Prism: The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what fiction means.”
More on Crime
“The contagion of crime is like that of the plague. Criminals collected together corrupt each other. They are worse than ever when, at the termination of their punishment, they return to society.”
“The Chicago mobs... They practiced their own perverted form of "survival of the fittest." Where the strong clawed their way to the top of a criminal empire. And the weak died in a hail of machine gun bullets.”
“I know all those people. I have friendly, social, and criminal relations with the whole lot of them.”