"What I think is that the F-word..." - Quote by Dave Barry

“A child can go only so far in life without potty training. It is not mere coincidence that six of the last seven presidents were potty trained, not to mention nearly half of the nation's state legislators.”

“I can snap your spine like a toothpick.”

“Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask whether your country has been inhaling paint-thinner fumes.”

“If you have spent two years in bed trying to wiggle your big toe, everything else seems easy.”

“After my marriage she edited everything I wrote. And what is more, she not only edited my works, she edited me.”

“I smoke in moderation. Only one cigar at a time.”

“For, though the origin of most of our words is forgotten, each word was at first a stroke of genius, and obtained currency, because for the moment it symbolized the world to the first speaker and to the hearer. The etymologist finds the deadest word to have been once a brilliant picture.”

“An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs.”

“In the dictionary under redundant it says see redundant.”