"In Rome, the emperor sat in a..." - Quote by George Carlin

“Because we were a poor area, the school had a small budget and was unable to teach the second half of the alphabet.”

“The best thing about living at the water's edge: You only have assholes on three sides of you, and if they come this way you can hear them splash.”

“Self-expression is a hallmark of an artist, of art, to get something off one's chest, to sing one's song. So that element is present in all art. It is the key to even standing up and saying, "Hey, listen to me." Self-expression can be based on looking at the world and making observations about it.”

“He is dead now, but he meant well.”

“Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even for money. It just wouldn't seem right.”

“If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?”

“When I graduated from high school, it was during the Depression and we had no money.”

“Art is always and everywhere the secret confession, and at the same time the immortal movement of its time.”

“I claim to have been a lifelong and wholly disinterested friend of the British people.”