Wordplay Quotes

“Syntax must be bad, having sin and tax in it.”

“My father was a small claims court jester.”

“I have a fax machine with "fax waiting".”

“Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?”

“Why are they called a-part-ments, when they're all stuck together?”

“Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.”

“If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?”

“Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?”

“I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.”

“Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?”

“I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.”

“I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four."”

“Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.”

“Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?”

“Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?”

“I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'”

“Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.”

“I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.”

“I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The whole time.”

“Is it possible to be totally partial?”

“I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.”

“How come abbreviated is such a long word?”

“I Xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare.”

“I got a dog and named him 'Stay'. Now, I go 'Come here, Stay!' After a while, the dog went insane and wouldn't move at all.”

“If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?”