Comedienne Quotes

“The French have launched their own version of Google, called Quaero. You just type in the subject you're interested in, and Quaero refuses to look it up for you.”

“When you host a show you have to hopefully be funny at the top and set the tone for a really fun evening.”

“Most authors liken the struggle of writing to something mighty and macho, like wrestling a bear. Writing a book is nothing like that. It is a small, slow crawl to the finish line. Honestly, I have moments when I don't even care if anyone reads this book. I just want to finish it.”

“Emotions are like passing storms, and you have to remind yourself that it won't rain forever. You just have to sit down and watch it pour outside and then peek your head out when it looks dry.”

“The only way we will survive is by being kind. The only way we can get by in this world is through the help we receive from others. No one can do it alone, no matter how great the machines are.”

“You never know what's around the corner unless you peek. Hold someone's hand while you do it. You will feel less scared.”

“I hope and assume that every good comedy writer, no matter the age, has a moment where they discover how great Cheers is.”

“There's only, like, five perfectly symmetrical people in the world, and they're all movie stars, and they should be, because their faces are very pleasing to look at, but the rest of us are just a jangle of stuff, and the earlier you learn that you should focus on what you have and not obsess about what you don't have, the happier you will be.”

“Forgiveness is something that's always possibility.”

“I cannot stress enough that the answer to life's questions is often in people's faces. Try putting your iPhones down once in a while, and look in people's faces. People's faces will tell you amazing things. Like if they are angry, or nauseous or asleep.”

“It's nice to be short, because people expect less from you.”

“Fighting aging is like the War on Drugs. It's expensive, does more harm than good, and has been proven to never end.”

“Adventure and danger can be good for your heart and soul.”

“I like bossy girls. I always have. I like people filled with life.”

“If your career is a bad boyfriend, it is healthy to remember you can always leave and go sleep with somebody else.”

“Great people do things before they're ready...You might find out something about yourself that's really special and if you're not good, who cares? You tried something.”

“Both conservatives and liberals watch 'Parks and Recreation,' and they each think the show is for them, which is really cool. 'SNL' was totally different. It was exciting because everyone was paying attention. Political humor works when people know what you're talking about.”

“My idea of the perfect exercise class is this: The teacher gives us all a hug and goes, “You did it! You showed up! Let’s lie down.” We all lie down and she’s like, “How is everybody feeling?” We’re like, “Great!” And the teacher’s like, “Great!” Then we all get to leave 20 minutes early.”

“I have to say I enjoy physical comedy and I've always loved to kind of take risks. I don't like worrying too much about how I look or how I come across, so that can sometimes... You know, I like to play those kinds of deluded but fun characters.”

“Symmetry is pleasing but not as sexy. Einstein is cool but Picasso knows what I'm talking about.”

“Listen. Say yes. Live in the moment. Make sure you play with people who have your back. Make big choices early and often.”

“I had to come to terms with how I saw myself. I had to understand that I wasn't pretty or beautiful like most actresses and that I shouldn't care about whether other people found me attractive or not.”

“I love saying 'yes' and I love saying 'please.' Saying 'yes' doesn't mean I don't know how to say no, and saying 'please' doesn't mean I am waiting for permission. 'Yes please' sounds powerful and concise. It's a response and a request. It is not about being a good girl; it is about being a real woman.”

“If you do a scene and you really like a character in it or a premise in it to write it down and to work on it so that you can have five or six characters that you can pull out in an audition.”

“I asked people who have already finished books for advice, which is akin to asking a mother with a four-year-old what childbirth is like.”