Comedienne Quotes

“Tina Fey and I have 15 things in development: 'Laverne and Shirley', 'Starsky and Hutch 3', 'Cagney and Lacey', 'Wonder Twins Activate From Two Hot Broads', 'Little House on the Prairie: The Musical: The Movie'.”

“The federal government began investigating allegations of fraud against the Coalition Provisional Authority, a U.S. contractor accused in a bid-rigging operation involving millions of dollars. Asked to comment, a spokesperson for Halliburton said, 'Millions? With an M? That is adorable.'”

“A bossy woman is someone to search out and celebrate. A bossy woman is someone who cares and commits and is a natural leader.”

“You deserve love and you'll get it.”

“I'd like to think that I don't have a stock character that I go to. I'm lucky in that when you get to initiate your own scene, you get to play whoever you want. That's really kind of cool, but all my characters are short. I look on the videotape, and I thought they were taller, but they're all 5'2".”

“Open-faced sandwiches take risks and live big and smile with all their teeth. These are the people I want to be around.”

“The earlier you learn that you should focus on what you have, and not obsess about what you don't have, the happier you will be.”

“Everybody is interesting when they are interested in something.”

“Any time you talk to anyone about something that they love, they're, like, their most beautiful. It's a cool gift to get to talk to people about what they love.”

“Sleep can completely change your entire outlook on life. One good night's sleep can help you realize that you shouldn't break up with someone, or you are being too hard on your friend, or you actually will win the race or the game or get the job. Sleep helps you win at life.”

“Ignore what other people think. Most people aren’t even paying attention to you.”

“There's something so romantic about being broke in New York. You gotta do it. You have to live there once without any money, and then you have to live there when you have money. Let me tell you, of the two, the latter is far better.”

“When you're doing sketch comedy and you're pregnant, it's like wearing a giant sombrero in every sketch.”

“I'd say any good set or any comedy that I've worked on, that's worked, has been comedians pitching ideas back and forth to each other. A lot of like, 'What if you say this? What about this?'”

“I get a bit nervous because I just want the show to go well. I think you always have to be a little bit nervous, or else you're a little checked-out, and that's maybe the time when you're not doing your best stuff, because you're kind of just checked-out and falling back on stuff.”

“When you're a stay-at-home mother you have to pretend it's really boring, but it's not. It's enriching and fulfilling, and an amazing experience. And then when you're a working mother you have to pretend that you feel guilty all day long.”

“Your career and your passion don't always match up. Plenty of talented people don't have the careers they want. Plenty of untalented people make millions and make movies. There is a difference between determination and talent.”

“Anyone who has the kind of inventive and inspired comic sensibility to be able to do that kind of work must be pretty talented.”

“I am interested in people who swim in the deep end. I want to have conversations about real things with people who have experienced real things. I'm tired of talking about movies and gossiping about friends. Life is crunchy and complicated and all the more delicious.”

“Don't treat your heart like an action figure wrapped in plastic and never used.”

“Career is the stringing together of opportunities and jobs. Mix in public opinion and past regrets. Add a dash of future panic and a whole lot of financial uncertainty. Career is something that fools you into thinking you are in control and then takes pleasure in reminding you that you aren't. Career is the thing that will not fill you up and will never make you truly whole.”

“However, if you do start crying in an argument and someone asks why, you can always say, 'I'm just crying because of how wrong you are.'”

“New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin said that New Orleans, when rebuilt, will be a chocolate city. And he will be the delicious nut in the center.”

“I know enough now to know I know nothing.”

“Continue to share your heart with people even if it's been broken.”