"I have so many liver spots, I..." - Quote by Phyllis Diller

“Before you get married you should meet your fiance's parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer.”

“They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!”

“When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.”

“Look, you're really cute, but I can't understand what you're saying”

“I have reached an age where if someone tells me to wear socks, I dont have to”

“I box in yellow Gox box socks.”

“As the arteries grow hard, the heart grows soft.”

“Love can never grow old. Looks may lose their brown and gold. Cheeks may fade and hollow grow. But the hearts that love will know, never winter's frost and chill, summer's warmth is in them still.”

“Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.”