"Like all good ruins, I look better..." - Quote by Phyllis Diller

“My own laugh is the real thing and I've had it all my life.”

“Some wives have model husbands, I got one that needed remodeling.”

“We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.”

“Yes, time flies. And where did it leave you? Old too soon...smart too late.”

“Some other memories of the funeral have stuck in my mind. The old boy’s face, for instance, when he caught up with us for the last time, just outside the village. His eyes were streaming with tears, of exhaustion or distress, or both together. But because of the wrinkles they couldn’t flow down. They spread out, crisscrossed, and formed a smooth gloss on the old, worn face.”

“I think being able to age gracefully is a very important talent. It is too late for me. The horse is out of the barn... In past generations, people would try to play younger than they really are. My trick is, I don't try to play younger than I really am.”

“What I really want from Music: That it be cheerful and profound like an afternoon in October.”

“Whether the flower looks better in the nosegay than in the meadow where it grew and we had to wet our feet to get it! Is the scholastic air any advantage?”

“Cheerfulness and contentment are great beautifiers, and are famous preservers of good looks.”