“You never know what you can do until you try, and very few try unless they have to.”

“And that's why, gentleman, if your little girl doesn't come up to scratch, it will be our painful duty to cut all your throats. Merely in a way of business, as you might say, and no offense, I hope.”

“Nothing which is at all times and in every way agreeable to us can have objective reality. It is of the very nature of the real that it should have sharp corners and rough edges, that it should be resistant, should be itself. Dream-furniture is the only kind on which you never stub your toes or bang your knee.”

“A sensible human once said, "If people knew how much ill-feeling unselfishness occasions, it would not be so often recommended from the pulpit"; and again, "She's the sort of woman who lives for others you can always tell the others by their hunted expression.”

“Virtue - even attempted virtue - brings light; indulgence brings fog.”

“I play for high stakes and given an audience - there is no act too daring or too noble.”

“I would tell myself that I was about to address the largest mass assembly of idiots ever gathered in the history of mankind.”

“A comedian can only last till he either takes himself serious or his audience takes him serious.”