"Why are there no "during" pictures?..." - Quote by Mitch Hedberg

“I was walking down the street with my friend and he said 'I hear music,' as though there's any other way to take it in. 'You're not special. That's how I receive it too... I tried to taste it, but it did not work'.”

“I hate dreaming because when you want to sleep, you want to sleep. Dreaming is work. Next thing you know, I have to build a go-cart with my ex-landlord.”

“I don't like grouper fish. Well, they're okay. They hang around star fish. Because they're grouper fish.”

“My mother is from another time - the funniest person to her is Lucille Ball; that's what she loves. A lot of times she tells me she doesn't know what I'm talking about. I know if I wasn't her son and she was flipping through the TV and saw me, she would just keep going.”

“And the thing about my jokes is, they don't hurt anybody. You can take 'em or leave 'em - you can say they're funny or they're terrible or they're good, or whatever, but you can just pass 'em by. But with Congress, every time they make a joke, it's a law! And every time they make a law, it's a joke!”

“Whenever there is hard work to be done, I assign it to the laziest man as he is sure to find an easy way of doing it. Be lazy, think crazy.”

“I have discovered photography. Now I can kill myself. I have nothing else to learn.”

“When taking a selfie, remember the most natural pose is still best”

“Many photographers think they are photographing nature when they are only caricaturing her.”