"Every time I walk by a spy..." - Quote by Mitch Hedberg
Every time I walk by a spy shop, I think that I need to put some surveillance on somebody. Rick's been acting fishy! I need to buy a safe that looks like a Spray 'N Wash can. "Hey, Mitch, can I use the Spray 'N Wash?" "Yeah, if you want to spray your shirt with documents!"
More by Mitch Hedberg
“If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.”
“Why are there no "during" pictures?”
“I`ve not really been angling to be a comedian. I knew comics and I loved them and I loved being funny, but I didn't understand the whole concept of becoming one. My first couple of times on stage, I was like, "This is what I'm doing for sure." I was so excited.”
More on Humor
More on Absurdity
“When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.”
“I had a paper route when I was a kid. I was supposed to go to 2,000 houses. Or two dumpsters.”
“I went to a pizzeria. The guy gave me the smallest slice possible. If the pizza was a pie chart with what would you do if you found a million dollars, he gave me the "Donate it to charity" slice. "I'd like to exchange this for the 'Keep it!'"”