"We don't have to fix anything...." - Quote by Mitch Hedberg

“People who smoke cigarettes, they say "You don't know how hard it is to quit smoking." Yes I do. It's as hard as it is to start flossing.”

“Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps”

“I didn't go to college, but if I did, I would've taken all my tests at a restaurant, 'cause 'The customer is always right'.”

“You can't make a head and brains out of a brass knob with nothing in it. You couldn't do it when your uncle George was living much less when he's dead.”

“You know, the bowling alley doesn‘t seem to be improving my game. That‘s the one thing I have noticed.”

“The best government is a benevolent tyranny tempered by an occasional assassination.”

“It is good even to be a fisherman in summer and in winter.”

“There is no greater disaster than discontent.”

“Do what nature now requires. Set thyself in motion, if it is in thy power, and do not look about thee to see if any one will observe it; nor yet expect Plato's Republic: but be content if the smallest thing goes on well, and consider such an event to be no small matter.”