"I like vending machines, because snacks are..." - Quote by Mitch Hedberg

I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store, oftentimes I will drop it so that is achieves its maximum flavor potential.
Image for the quote by Mitch Hedberg: I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store...

More by Mitch Hedberg

“If you want to talk to me after the show, I'd be surprised.”
— Mitch Hedberg
“People think I'm into sports because I'm a man. But I'm not into sports. I like Gatorade, but that's about as far as it goes. By the way, you don't have to be sweaty and play basketball to enjoy Gatorade. You can just be a thirsty dude. Gatorade forgets about this demographic!”
— Mitch Hedberg
“I can't wait to get off the stage, because I've got some LifeSavers in my pocket and pineapple is next!”
— Mitch Hedberg

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“Looking good and dressing well is a necessity. Having a purpose in life is not.”
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“I would like it if four people did a cartwheel all at once... so I can make a cart.”
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“It is a very funny thing that the sleepier you are, the longer you take about getting to bed.”
— C.S. Lewis

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“You learn a lot about someone when you share a meal together.”
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“I could eat bloody Elvis - if you put enough vinegar on him.”
— Anthony Bourdain