"I hate flossing, I wish I just..." - Quote by Mitch Hedberg

“I saw a guy juggling chain saws, it was cool, unless something needed to be sawed down, then it's annoying.”

“I can't eat spaghetti. There's too many of them.”

“No, I was just good at holding ice cream cones.”

“If I can get my dress on, my weight is under control.”

“I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.”

“I am admonished in many ways that time is pushing me inexorably along. I am approaching the threshold of age; in 1977 I shall be 142.”

“I've had tendinitis since college.”

“I work out every morning. Only half an hour. I get on the treadmill. That's it. Every morning, I don't care what time. It gets your blood flowing. It gets your adrenaline flowing. I believe in eating well. It's not fanatical. Eat good food. Make sure you've got good vegetables.”

“I decided to stop drinking with creeps. I decided to drink only with friends. I've lost 30 pounds.”