“How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.”

“We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.”

“I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'”

“They always say to Californians that we don't have seasons. Of course, that is not true. We have fire, flood, mud and drought.”

“The reason I'm not an alcoholic is I don't like to drink in front of the kids . . . and when you're away from them, who needs it?.”

“I definitely have body issues, but everybody does. When you come to the realization that everybody does that - even the people that I consider flawless - then you can start to live with the way you are. I've read interviews with some of the most beautiful women who have insecurities. And you look at them and you're like, 'How do you have? Name one thing wrong with yourself,' and they could name a handful.”

“No one has the right to criticize you for how your body looks, but they will. One thing I've learned from experiencing this exact kind of criticism is that no one else can label your body except for you. No one gets to have a place in your mind if they weren't invited there by you. So please do me this one favor: Don't let their ugly words into your beautiful mind.”

“I don't mind being pale. In high school, it seemed like everybody cared about being tan all year round, but I haven't really thought about it since then. I don't go to a tanning bed, and I get bored when I lay out. I put sunscreen on when I'm in the sun, and sometimes I get tan, but I don't really think about it very much.”