"When you play spin the bottle, if..." - Quote by Phyllis Diller

“Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.”

“The last thing I'd learn, well into my career, was how to get on, how to say hello, how to get in with the audience.”

“I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.”

“I delight in men over seventy. They always offer one the devotion of a lifetime.”

“Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other's picture.”

“If this is a blessing, it is certainly very well disguised.”

“They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!”

“I know nothing at all about music.”

“My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.”