"Here's a man who was twice elected..." - Quote by Dave Barry

“Of course, the truth is that the congresspersons are too busy raising campaign money to read the laws they pass. The laws are written by staff tax nerds who can put pretty much any wording they want in there. I bet that if you actually read the entire vastness of the US tax code, you'd find at least one sex scene. ("Yes, yes, YES!" moaned Vanessa as Lance, his taut body moist with moisture, again and again depreciated her adjusted gross rate of annualized fiscal debenture...)”

“I like golf because you can be really terrible at it, and still not look much dorkier than anybody else.”

“Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.”

“Immanuel isn't a pun; he Kant be!”

“Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.”

“France: As a professional journalist, I like the idea of a society where it is considered an acceptable occupation to basically sit around and drink.”

“Labor Day symbolizes our determination to achieve an economic freedom for the average man which will give his political freedom realty.”

“Socialists have always spent much of their time seeking new titles for their beliefs, because the old versions so quickly become outdated and discredited.”

“Any judicial nominee who has said that the Constitution means what it says, not what judges would like it to mean, is going to be called an 'extremist.' That person will be said to be 'out of the mainstream.' But the mainstream is itself the problem.”