"I have nothing against dogs. I just..." - Quote by Phyllis Diller

“You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.”

“Just the other day I said to Fang, "Don't you think we've got a storybook romance?" and he said, "Yes, and every page is ripped.”

“Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.”

“Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?”

“I've always considered writing the most hateful kind of work. I suspect it's a bit like fucking - which is fun only for amateurs. Old whores don't do much giggling.”

“If more Africans had eaten missionaries, the continent would be in better shape.”

“Cats are too independent. They piss me off. They play when they want, and then they turn their back on you. Dogs, you throw the ball, and they bring it back, tongue hanging out, tail wagging. Cats are like "Not right now, too busy." Definitely a dog man. Except when it comes to cleaning up after them! Cats win that!”

“I have a little dog who likes to nap with me. He climbs on my body and puts his face in my neck. He is sweeter than soap. He is more wonderful than a diamond necklace, which can't even bark.”

“I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons.”