"I would like it if four people..." - Quote by Mitch Hedberg
I would like it if four people did a cartwheel all at once... so I can make a cart.
More by Mitch Hedberg
“I put fruit on top of my waffles, because I want something to brush off.”
“I have a few cavities. I don't like to call them cavities, though - I like to call them 'places to put stuff'. 'Do you know where I can store a pea' 'Yes, I have some locations available.'”
“A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef.”
More on Humor
“I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!”
“A pessimist? That's a person who has been intimately acquainted with an optimist.”
“In the course of my life, I have often had to eat my words, and I must confess that I have always found it a wholesome diet.”
More on Absurdity
“Just the other day the AP wire had a story about a man from Arkansas who entered some kind of contest and won a two-week vacation--all expenses paid--wherever he wanted to go. Any place in the world: Mongolia, Easter Island, the Turkish Riviera . . . but his choice was Salt Lake City, and that's where he went. Is this man a registered voter? Has he come to grips with the issues? Has he bathed in the blood of the lamb?”
“And off we go, out onto the highway looking for a little fun. Perhaps a flatbed truck loaded with human cadavers will explode in front of a Star Trek reunion. One can only dream and hope.”
“I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.”