"Now, once again, we find ourselves facing..." - Quote by Dave Barry
Now, once again, we find ourselves facing rising gas prices, and the question is: This time, are we going to learn from the past? Are we finally going to get serious about energy conservation? Of course not! We have the brains of mealworms! So we need to get more oil somehow. As far as I can figure, there's only one practical way to do this. That's right: We need to clone more dinosaurs. We have the technology, as was shown in two blockbuster scientific movies, Jurassic Park and Jurassic Park Returns with Exactly the Same Plot. Once we have the dinosaurs, all we need is an asteroid.
More by Dave Barry
“Many things have been written, including by me, linking humor and pain. Mostly, in my case, the humor part keeps me sane. If I spent all my hours writing things like "Fatal Distraction," I'd become a brooding, erratic melancholic. I'd be Raskolnikov.”
“If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.”
“The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.”
More on Energy
“The influence of a vital being vitalizes.”
“Tell me what you are for, and I will show you what is going to expand in a positive way. Tell me what you are against, and I can show you what is going to expand in a destructive way.”
“Money is congealed energy, and releasing it releases life's possibilities.”
More on Environment
“I dream of our vast deserts, of our forests, of all our great wildernesses. We must never forget that it is our duty to protect this environment.”
“... Our individual well-being is intimately connected both with that of all others and with the environment within which we live.... Our every action, our every deed, word, and thought, no matter how slight or inconsequential it may seem, has an implication not only for ourselves, but for all others, too.”
“We seem to think that the earth must go through the ordeal of sheep-pasturage before it is habitable by man.”