“How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.”

“We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.”

“I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'”

“They always say to Californians that we don't have seasons. Of course, that is not true. We have fire, flood, mud and drought.”

“The reason I'm not an alcoholic is I don't like to drink in front of the kids . . . and when you're away from them, who needs it?.”

“Whenever I feel the need to take some exercise I lie down until the feeling goes away.”

“Get Health. No labor, effort nor exercise that can gain it must be grudged.”

“I've been an exercise maniac most of my adult life, running marathons and triathlons, doing that as a regular way of life. I ran eight miles a day, every day for 29 years.”