"... Once you're safely in the mall,..." - Quote by Dave Barry
... Once you're safely in the mall, you should tie your children to you with ropes so the other shoppers won't try to buy them. Holiday shoppers have been whipped into a frenzy by months of holiday advertisements, and they will buy anything small enough to stuff into a shopping bag. If your children object to being tied, threaten to take them to see Santa Claus; that ought to shut them up.
More by Dave Barry
“Can we move this conversation along, I'm getting frightfully tired of 'hoa'.”
“English history consists largely of royal people getting their heads chopped off...Needless to say, this brand of history was a hit with our son.”
“I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories.”
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“When my oldest boy was about 14, I started to talk to him about some of the mistakes I made in life, just to put a few dents in that shiny armor.”
“My mom didn't let me eat sugar or candy until I was older.”
“We may not be able to prepare the future for our children, but we can at least prepare our children for the future.”