"I was going to stay overnight at..." - Quote by Mitch Hedberg
I was going to stay overnight at my friend's house - he said, "you'll have to sleep on the floor." Damn gravity! You don't know how bad I wanted to sleep on the wall.
More by Mitch Hedberg
“I like those blow-up beds. "This becomes a full size bed in three minutes!" Well, a mattress kicks your ass. Zero seconds. "Yeah, but you can store this thing." You can store a bed, too - in the bedroom.”
“I like Kinko's, because they're open 24 hours. If it's 5 am and I decide I need two of something, I'm covered! Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, and then I think, "Oh, yeah. Kinko's. No problem. That will not remain singular."”
“If you can't sleep, count sheep. Don't count endangered animals. You will run out.”
More on Humor
“Hero: Person in a book who does things which he can't and girl marries him for it.”
“Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network.”
“I should be a postage stamp, because that's the only way I'll ever get licked. I'm beautiful. I'm fast. I'm so mean I make medicine sick. I can't possibly be beat.”
More on Friendship
“A pleasant companion is as good as a coach.”
“Friendship cant end just because you change your life.”
“There are many times when a woman will ask another girl friend how she likes her new hat. She will reply, 'Fine,' but slap her hand to her forehead the minute the girl leaves to yipe, 'What a horror!'”