"I recently took up ice sculpting. Last..." - Quote by Mitch Hedberg

“A fly was very close to being called a land, because that's what it does half the time.”

“I like to wear a "Do Not Disturb" sign around my neck so that little kids can't tell me knock-knock jokes. "Hey, how ya doin'? Knock-knock." "Read the sign, punk!"”

“My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the kitchen.”

“I washed mud off of mud.”

“I'm an energy vampire. I just suck off everybody's energy. But I give it back.”

“Donald Trump seems to do a good job mentioning his own name.”

“The subject of the poem usually dictates the rhythm or the rhyme and its form. Sometimes, when you finish the poem and you think the poem is finished, the poem says, "You're not finished with me yet," and you have to go back and revise, and you may have another poem altogether. It has its own life to live.”

“In some pictures of Provincetown the persons of the inhabitants are not drawn below the ankles, so much being supposed to be buried in the sand.”

“Art is a jealous mistress; and if a man have a genius for painting, poetry, music, architecture or philosophy, he makes a bad husband and an ill provider.”