"I got my hair highlighted because I..." - Quote by Mitch Hedberg
I got my hair highlighted because I felt some strands were more important than others.
More by Mitch Hedberg
“I thought I'd go to a craft fair, and there would be a jar of jellybeans there - "Guess how many jellybeans are in this jar, and win a prize". Aw, come on, man, let just me have some. I'll tell you what, guess how many jellybeans I want! If you guessed a handful, you are right.”
“I'm a hard act to follow, because when I'm done, I take the microphone with me.”
“Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!”
More on Humor
“I could not help wondering in my own mind....how it came to pass that our joints of meat were of such extraordinary shapes - and whether our butcher contracted for all the deformed sheep that came into the world; but I kept my reflections to myself.”
“By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.”
“Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.”
More on Vanity
“The act of love . . . is a confession. Selfishness screams aloud, vanity shows off, or else true generosity reveals itself.”
“They say that you can't live by bread alone, but I can live on compliments.”
“Behind all their personal vanity, women themselves always have an impersonal contempt for woman.”