“I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.”

“It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.”

“You've got to realize that when all goes well, and everything is beautiful, you have no comedy. It's when somebody steps on the bride's train, or belches during the ceremony that you've got comedy!”

“Next to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have.”

“My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.”

“Lord, I could not endure a husband with a beard on his face! I had rather lie in the woolen.”

“There is no slander in an allowed fool, though he do nothing but rail.”

“I will not be sworn but love may transform me to an oyster”

“I definitely have body issues, but everybody does. When you come to the realization that everybody does that - even the people that I consider flawless - then you can start to live with the way you are. I've read interviews with some of the most beautiful women who have insecurities. And you look at them and you're like, 'How do you have? Name one thing wrong with yourself,' and they could name a handful.”

“No one has the right to criticize you for how your body looks, but they will. One thing I've learned from experiencing this exact kind of criticism is that no one else can label your body except for you. No one gets to have a place in your mind if they weren't invited there by you. So please do me this one favor: Don't let their ugly words into your beautiful mind.”

“I don't mind being pale. In high school, it seemed like everybody cared about being tan all year round, but I haven't really thought about it since then. I don't go to a tanning bed, and I get bored when I lay out. I put sunscreen on when I'm in the sun, and sometimes I get tan, but I don't really think about it very much.”

“I am a great eater of beef, and I believe that does harm to my wit.”

“There's not a note of mine that's worth the noting.”

“I fill up a place, which may be better... when I have made it empty.”

“I love a ballad but even too well if it be doleful matter merrily set down, or a very pleasant thing indeed and sung lamentably.”

“The horn, the horn, the lusty horn Is not a thing to laugh to scorn.”

“I am never merry when I hear sweet music.”