"Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is..." - Quote by Dave Barry
Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it.
More by Dave Barry
“I guess libertarianism is always considered so weird and fringe that people assume that you're in the closet if you don't go around talking about it.”
“If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'”
“WARNING: This is assuming your spouse's name is Margaret.”
More on Humor
“Nothing is more dreadful than a husband who keeps telling you everything he thinks, and always wants to know what you think.”
“We need to be strong in order to avoid war; and to win. A politician looks forward only to the next election. A statesman looks forward to the next generation. Any person who is over 30 and is not a conservative, has no brains.”
“I'm a geek.”
More on Names
“"Picasso" is of Italian origin, as you know. And the name a person bears or adopts has its importance.”
“Jack? . . . No, there is very little music in the name Jack, if any at all, indeed. It does not thrill. It produces absolutely no vibrations . . . I have known several Jacks, and they all, without exception, were more than usually plain. Besides, Jack is a notorious domesticity for John! And I pity any woman who is married to a man called John. She would probably never be allowed to know the entrancing pleasure of a single moment’s solitude. The only really safe name is Ernest.”
“I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.”