“You're not allowed to park a truck in your driveway. You're not allowed to work on your house on Sunday. The people who enforce these laws are nuts. After I wrote a column on this, I got I don't know how many letters from Coral Gables homeowners, story after story after story, wonderfully horrible stories. And the venom they felt for their own government!”

“The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery.”

“If you have ever seen the movie Night of the Living Dead, you have a rough idea how modern corporations and organizations operate, with projects and proposals that everybody thought were killed constantly rising from their graves to stagger back into meetings and eat the brains of the living.”

“Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth.”

“The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.”

“Lord, I could not endure a husband with a beard on his face! I had rather lie in the woolen.”

“There is no slander in an allowed fool, though he do nothing but rail.”

“I will not be sworn but love may transform me to an oyster”

“Knowing I lov'd my books, he furnish'd me From mine own library with volumes that I prize above my dukedom.”

“O, let my books be then the eloquence and dumb presages of my speaking breast.”

“Me, poor man, my library Was dukedom large enough.”

“Good wine needs no bush.”

“Take pains. Be perfect.”

“Still constant is a wondrous excellence.”

“My house is a bit like a teenager's bedroom. The kind of pictures you have hanging up on your wall say a lot about you. I've got ones of Evel Knievel, Elvis and Starsky and Hutch, signed by David Soul.”

“The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.”

“I'll be like Scarlett O'Hara-I'll think about it tomorrow.”

“Thou hast most traitorously corrupted the youth of the realm in erecting a grammar school.”

“I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.”

“The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.”

“Nothing is so dangerous as being too modern; one is apt to grow old fashioned quite suddenly.”

“Sometimes you have the trends that's not that cool. You may have certain artists portraying these trends and don't really have that lifestyle, and then it gives off the wrong thing. And it becomes kinda corny after awhile. It's really about keeping hip-hop original and pushing away the corniness in it.”

“Publishers are looking for blockbusters - all the world loves a megaseller.”