"I tried sniffing Coke once, but the..." - Quote by Dave Barry

“I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.”

“We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.”

“The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.”

“Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?”

“Every year, hundreds of thousands of people try their hand at this demanding profession (humor columnist). After a few months, almost all of them have given up and gone back to the ninth grade.”

“I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.”

“Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns”

“What's the opposite of suck? Un-suck?”

“I saw a sign: "Rest Area 25 Miles". That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.”