"I'm not into sports. I mean...I like..." - Quote by Mitch Hedberg
I'm not into sports. I mean...I like Gatorade, but that's as far as it goes.
More by Mitch Hedberg
“That's always disappointed me, to see a guy in the crowd who doesn't look like he's having fun but in general if you just listen to the crowd it sounds like they're having fun. So I don't want to focus on the one guy who's not having fun. And by closing my eyes and just listening, I can't hear that he's not laughing but I can see that he's not laughing.”
“I don't have any children, but if I had a baby, I would have to name it, so I would get a baby-naming book. Or I would invite somebody over who had a cast on.”
“Look at the limes in this drink, how they float. That's good news. Next time I'm on a boat, and it capsizes, I will reach for a lime. I'm saved by the buoyancy of citrus.”
More on Humor
“The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.”
“When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”
“A fellow once came to me to ask for an appointment as a minister abroad. Finding he could not get that, he came down to some more modest position. Finally, he asked to be made a tide-waiter. When he saw he could not get that, he asked me for an old pair of trousers. It is sometimes well to be humble.”
More on Sports
“How're the Broncos doing?" "Like a bunch of carrots." "Is that bad?" "Can carrots play baseball?" "I guess not." "Then you have your answer.”
“Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose”
“The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.”