"Humor is tragedy plus time...." - Quote by Mark Twain

“So I became a newspaperman. I hated to do it but I couldnt find honest employment.”

“The piano may do for love-sick girls who lace themselves to skeletons, and lunch on chalk, pickles and slate pencils, but give me the banjo.”

“Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.”

“Humor is one of the elements of genius--admirable as an adjunct; but as soon as it becomes dominant, only a surrogate for genius.”

“I'm not sure you can count as history, was Keith Richards's "Life," which he so modestly titled it. I did find it a fascinating book. Keith's a pretty honest fellow.”

“Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.”

“There is a willow grows aslant a brook, That shows his hoar leaves in the glassy stream; There with fantastic garlands did she come Of crow-flowers, nettles, daisies, and long purples That liberal shepherds give a grosser name, But our cold maids do dead men's fingers call them: There, on the pendent boughs her coronet weeds Clambering to hang, an envious sliver broke; When down her weedy trophies and herself Fell in the weeping brook.”

“I don't write fantasy, I write reality. Also, my novels have roots to Greek tragedies and as such, there has to be tragedy.”

“One can play comedy, two are required for melodrama, but a tragedy demands three.”