"There will be a rain dance Friday..." - Quote by George Carlin

“People are dreaming if they think they have rights. They've never had rights. There's no such thing.”

“There are some people that aren't into all the words. There are some people who would have you not use certain words. Yeah, there are 400,000 words in the English language, and there are seven of them that you can't say on television. What a ratio that is. 399,993 to seven. They must really be bad. They'd have to be outrageous, to be separated from a group that large. All of you over here, you seven. Bad words. That's what they told us they were, remember? 'That's a bad word.' You know bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions.”

“You get to play with people's little danger zones.”

“If a bank fails in China, they behead the men at the top of it that was responsible... If we beheaded all of ours that were responsible for bank failures, we wouldn't have enough people left to bury the heads.”

“The trouble with our Liberal friends is not that they're ignorant; it's just that they know so much that isn't so.”

“I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.”

“My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.”

“Gratitude is a debt which usually goes on accumulating like blackmail; the more you pay, the more is exacted.”

“Half of the results of a good intentions are evil; half the results of an evil intention are good.”