"What does it mean to pre-board? Do..." - Quote by George Carlin

“Good news for senior citizens: Death is near!”

“The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election”

“Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation.You have no choice. You have owners. They own you. They own everything. They own all the important land. They own, and control the corporations. They've long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear.”

“Shakespeare must be a black girl.”

“My method is to take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say, and then to say it with the utmost levity.”

“Stand-up is an art but since it's humor and it's funny - a lot of guys that don't think it's art are probably coming from the angle that they don't want to take it so seriously. I've always looked at it as an art but I don't look at it as a pretentious art. I understand it has to be taken lightly because it is just comedy in the end, but the good stand-up comics are someone with something to say.”

“If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out”

“Griddle cakes, pancakes, hot cakes, flapjacks: why are there four names for grilled batter and only one word for love?”

“A vocabulary of truth and simplicity will be of service throughout your life.”