"If you don't know a light bulb..." - Quote by Mitch Hedberg
If you don't know a light bulb is a three-way light bulb, it messes with your head. You reach to turn it off, and it just gets brighter! That's the exact opposite of what I wanted you to do! So you turn the switch again, and it gets brighter once more! I will break you, light bulb!
More by Mitch Hedberg
“A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.”
“I make myself a bowl of instant oatmeal, and then I don't do anything for an hour. Why do I need the instant oatmeal? I could get the regular oatmeal and feel productive.”
“Chicago is known as the Windy City, and Montana is called the Big Sky State, so I think that we should somehow combine the two to create the ultimate kite-flying experience.”
More on Humor
More on Everyday Objects
“I like those blow-up beds. "This becomes a full size bed in three minutes!" Well, a mattress kicks your ass. Zero seconds. "Yeah, but you can store this thing." You can store a bed, too - in the bedroom.”
“I don't have a microwave oven, but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks stuff.”
“I got a smoke alarm at home, but really it's more like a 9-volt-battery-slowly-drainer.”