"When I first heard the song Don't..." - Quote by George Carlin

“The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.”

“If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?”

“When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows; there's just nothing special about their content.”

“You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.”

“When I'm doing a book tour in the States, I'll wake up in the room sometimes in an anonymous chain hotel, and I don't know where I am right away. I'll go to the window, and it doesn't help there either, especially if you're in an anonymous strip and it's the usual Victoria's Secret, Gap, Chili's, Applebee's.”

“With all our crime and all our immorality ... and about as much contentment and respose as a fresh-caged hyena, we go to tell the whole world: we are the only one with the right idea!”

“[The] erroneous assumption is to the effect that the aim of public education is to fill the young of the species with knowledge and awaken their intelligence, and so make them fit to discharge the duties of citizenship in an enlightened and independent manner. Nothing could be further from the truth. The aim of public education is not to spread enlightenment at all; it is simply to reduce as many individuals as possible to the same safe level, to breed and train a standardised citizenry, to put down dissent and originality.”

“Power will go to the hands of rascals, rogues, freebooters; all Indian leaders will be of low calibre & men of straw. They will have sweet tongues & silly hearts. They will fight amongst themselves for power & India will be lost in political squabbles. A day would come when even air & water would be taxed in India.”

“The local TV news is the greatest danger in your life. It's all crap.”