"In baseball the object is to go..." - Quote by George Carlin

“More people write poetry than read it.”

“Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.”

“Why do they bother saying "raw sewage"? Do some people actually cook that stuff?”

“When some men discharge an obligation, you can hear the report for miles around.”

“Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.”

“One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.”

“As a general comment on baseball:"90% of the game is half mental."”

“Third ain't so bad if nothin' is hit to you.”

“Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good, too.”