"The Russians will never be able to..." - Quote by Dave Barry
The Russians will never be able to get their missiles thought the dense protective layer of delayed flights circling over the United States in complex, puke-inducing holding patterns.
More by Dave Barry
“Some [soccer] players suffer four or five fatal injuries per game. That's how tough they are.”
“Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary to what you may have heard, the Internet does not operate at the speed of light; it operates at the speed of the DMV.”
“In the words of a very famous dead person, 'A nation that does not know its history is doomed to do poorly on the Scholastic Aptitude Test.”
More on Humor
“I opened-up a yogurt, underneath the lid it said, "Please try again." because they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I opened the yogurt wrong. ...Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me... "Come on Mitchell, don't give up!" An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top.”
“Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?”
“Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?”
More on Travel
“I don't like being up high. It took me three days to get to the top of the Eiffel Tower.”
“Every American bride is taken there [Niagara Falls], and the sight of the stupendous waterfall must be one of the earliest, if not the keenest, disappointments in American married life.”
“It's just good that Detroit is coming back. I'm so happy it's coming back because it needs to come back. When I do my trips around the world, and I can be anywhere, but I always see somebody from Detroit or Chicago. Those guys are world travelers.”