"Against the assault of laughter, nothing can..." - Quote by Mark Twain

“Eight grown Americans out of ten dread the coming of the Fourth, with its pandemonium and its perils, and they rejoice when it is gone-if still alive.”

“He gossips habitually; he lacks the common wisdom to keep still that deadly enemy of man, his own tongue.”

“When a teacher calls a boy by his entire name, it means trouble.”

“And so long as I can laugh, never will I be poor. This then, is one of nature's greatest gifts and I will waste it no more.”

“I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing.”

“The child in you, like all children, loves to laugh, to be around people who can laugh at themselves and life. Children instinctively know that the more laughter we have in our lives, the better.”

“I have no more campaigns to run... I know because I won both of them.”

“My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.”

“Three wishes - no substitutes, exchanges or refunds”