"I like my jokes to be built..." - Quote by George Carlin

“Leadership camp? Isn't that where Hitler went?”

“The angles of my body show you an awful lot. I started doing coke to feel open, but by that time, the hole had opened so wide that I'd fallen through. The body language in those photos tells you everything.”

“It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.”

“I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.”

“I did six Broadway shows, and I noticed there weren't many female comedians. When I went to a dancing audition, there were 1,000 girls. And there were three jobs. So I said I'll just try comedy. And I loved it.”

“Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.”

“Men's ideas are the most direct emanations of their material state.”

“The attempt to suppress an idea has always and everywhere proved a failure.”

“A man who has not enough originality to think out a new title for his book will be much less capable of giving it new contents.”