"Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he..." - Quote by George Carlin

“I think we overrate ourselves in terms of our abilities and capacities. I mean, just because you can build a really swell bridge doesn't, to my way of thinking, mean that you're an advanced civilization.”

“And, of course, the funniest food of all, kumquats.”

“Hallucinogens are a value changer...like it or not, it changes your values, it opens up windows (doors of perception.)”

“They've said I want to direct pictures. I couldn't direct traffic.”

“Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously.”

“Sometimes I talk to myself in languages I'm unfamiliar with... just to screw with my subconscious.”

“Washington's is the mightiest name of earth - long since mightiest in the cause of civil liberty; still mightiest in moral reformation. On that name no eulogy is expected. It cannot be. To add brightness to the sun, or glory to the name of Washington, is alike impossible. Let none attempt it. In solemn awe pronounce the name, and in its naked deathless splendor leave it shining on.”

“If it is true to say of the lazy that they kill time, then it is greatly to be feared that an era which sees its salvation in public opinion, this is to say private laziness, is a time that really will be killed: I mean that it will be struck out of the history of the true liberation of life. How reluctant later generations will be to have anything to do with the relics of an era ruled, not by living men, but by pseudo-men dominated by public opinion.”

“The best benefit we derive from history is the enthusiasm it excites.”