"The real reason your pro tells you..." - Quote by Phyllis Diller

“Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.”

“I am constantly being asked about individuals. The only way to win is as a team. Football is not about one or two or three star players.”

“You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.”

“I'm an energy vampire. I just suck off everybody's energy. But I give it back.”

“Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.”

“Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.”

“I didn't know much about golf growing up.”

“When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.”

“Eight days ago, we were the toast of the town. Eight days later we're Thanksgiving turkeys.”